Saturday, December 24, 2016

Merry Christmas!

Or "happy Chanukah,"if you don't celebrate Christmas like I do.

So, it's 12 a.m. where I am and I'd promised myself I'd do some sort of Christmas post. I'm on a family trip right now and brought a book in case I have trouble sleeping tonight, and I'll have an update on that eventually, but this post is just a holiday-related post.
It's officially Christmas Day where I live and, I suppose due to the supposed loss of innocence as one grows older, I have to confess that I feel like this day has lost the magic it used to have when I was a child. I suppose I shouldn't bellyache too much, I still love this holiday and I know I'm very lucky to have wonderful friends and family to celebrate it with, but.... I don't know. It's just not the same anymore.
Why is it that, as one grows older, life goes much faster?
Why is it that Christmas does not feel as magical as it used to?
Why is it that I want to look at life through the eyes of a child, but society forces me to grow up?
I'm sorry. I'm tired and I'm ruminating on these things. How my mind races at midnight sometimes! I feel like I can never sleep the night before Christmas, especially. My mind is a gem, but it's a curse, too.
Not sleeping in my own bed doesn't help matters.
But this is a holiday post, so enough about me. I thought I'd share a piece I wrote about two years ago:

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I cannot weep, yet I can weep tears of gold. I can watch the stars kiss one another in a cheerful dance amid the nightly heavens as you stand beside me and I want to do something, but the music is too beautiful to allow me to move, let alone hold a hand. You, on the other hand, are brave, as a silver glow sneaks up my way and you give me the gift of the silent night. I blink and it is still night. But it is Christmas Eve. I fall to the earth and allow my golden tears to fall as you fall beside me and your tears are silver. I dry my eyes with a makeshift cloth I made from old sand paper and cotton. And I do not care if it may hurt my eyes, for the starlight has fallen upon it, and I shall never allow anything to harm me tonight. The starlight rises from the cloth and embraces us as you enfold me in your arms. You fall into my arms and your ghostly mist embraces me lovingly and I try to kiss you, but I taste fumes of a kindling chimney fire in the air. I do not care. I allow you to reappear and beg you to take me with you. Your finger on my lips silences me as night bleeds into day, as snow falls on to our gold and silver tears.
I want something more.
Something different, something new, something great. An angel has fallen to the ground and as I look upon his chest, I see you rise to your feet and wink at me. And I remember that it is Christmas. The locket was given to me by a mystery man. Yet all of a sudden I have solved the mystery and I know what is happening. I unhook it from my neck and put it around the neck of the fallen angel, whose cheeks are a rosy red and bleeding rose petals. I take one and allow a golden tear to drop upon it as your silver tears enfold me as we mourn our fallen friend. I notice children in the snow and take a closer look. And I see that they are running to me, and I recognize the children I had met years and years ago. They are struggling in so many ways. And yet they are so happy. You lay an arm around me as the fallen angel rises to his feet. The children surround him as I weep tears of gold, and you of silver. We cry until we can cry no more, and I know that my greatest wish has been granted.
The children run to you as you take them into your arms. They embrace me as your silver tears flow down your face like a waterfall. And the children follow the angel, who promises me that they will be safe with him. I kiss his cheek and wave goodbye to the children as you turn to me and take my hands in yours. Though I know you mean well, I do not want the end. I want you to remain by my side, though we both know that that is not the right thing for us to do.
You smile and your silver tear falls upon my cheek as my golden tear falls upon your hand. I caress your cheek with my hand, leaving traces of gold upon it, in farewell. You promise it is not goodbye. I wonder how. And that's when I see that the angel has left my heart locket lying in the snow. You pick it up and put it around my neck and kiss my cheek. I open the locket and see what I had never expected. You caress me with your hand as I stare, speechless.
The locket holds a note. A note bearing the words:
Hope can never be destroyed. 
I embrace you one last time, hoping with all my heart that it will all be okay. You promise it will and back away as a cloud of stars allows you to be taken away into the Christmas night. I close my eyes as you reappear beside me. And you promise that as long as I keep hope, you can never truly go away.

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Merry Christmas! May your holiday be full of joy, peace, and love





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